PROBLEM N CHALLENGE
In the dead of the winter of 2021, I was on a hell bent roll to hit the biggest jumps n drops in my local area, and the snows of north-most Oregon were at a minimum. Bad for upcoming summer water reserves but really good for a trail-time starved gear head mtn biker like myself. February is not a month that offers a "dirt merchant"(passionate mtn biker) any possibility of satiating adrenaline but knowing my back yard well, I found ride-able trail straight thru spring. I managed to push my jumping skills and conquests one small, calculated increment more by hitting the biggest jumps and drops I had, to date.
On a day in August, after recently taking 3 weeks off of my bike to let my brain, once again, recover from once again, knocking myself out, having a concussion aaaaand 7th bout of amnesia .. I broke my left thumb from my left handlebar end stamping it good n hard as I slid out landing a modest jump. Due to Covid causing scores of hospital employees to be terminated or quitting for not wanting to be a big pharma lab rat, I had to wait 3 weeks to have the bone set with 2 pins due to a back up in the operating rooms schedule. It would sit crooked at a 30 degree angle till then. The time my fore arm and hand were bound .. just doubled.
In October my left hand was very impaired and I could not hold on to my mtn bike handlebars and could not ride. I was furious. In February of 2022, I woke up one morning to find that my right hand had significantly stopped working. The main arm nerves being pinched in my neck at C-5 n C-6 since smashing into the reef head first in August 2006 had caught up to me in the form of neuropathy-neurological dysfunction- nerve damage. Furious didn't even come remotely close to describing the emotions detonating inside of me.
Every little thing I needed to do, moment to moment, day to day .. was dependent on .. THE USE OF MY HANDS !! It was ALL just a non stop exemplification of what I have come to call .. 'fumble-itis' and 'fumblefest'. My temper tantrums escalated in severity and frequency mixed with bouts of incredible weeping. The rage of internal emotion was like a continuous matter/antimatter .. detomation. Yet, this impediment .. forcing me to change-be dynamic-do something differently .. was imperative.
As a result of my hands being very challenged and collectively at 30% of full use, there was no 'just over broke' I was able to perform for a minimum wage. A GOD SEND organization, Supportive Services for Veterans Families, put me up in a local motel owned by a STARK communist from Peru whose patrons were people in social service programs. ADHD, bipolar, schizophrenia, rampant drug n alcohol ON TOP OF individuals psych meds and regular visits from the Hood River Police and Sheriffs made 'A lone Pine Motel' a challenge to be at. Ten months and 3 fist fights later, by the absolute GRACE OF GOD and help from Angelina Comp to zero in on an unlikely-but-ideal place to live in the neighboring 'blink n u miss it' town of Mosier with a population less than 350, north-most Oregon on the Columbia river in the Columbia River Gorge. GODS country of mountains and Doug Fir forests. Deposit and rent paid by SSVF.
I moved into a bonified cabin .. definitively NOT your "Better Homes N Gardens" cabin but one owner-made in the 1950's or 60's, on 10 acres of field grass, a few Pines n mostly very old, slow growing White Oak with "Tim Burtons Halloween" crooked, bent, tortured-looking branches and neighbors 100+ yards away. Quiet, joy n peace, serenity n solitude,rest n reprieve .. flies-stink bugs n mice .. lots of em .. a wood burning stove to heat the structure with walls that are riddles with gaps between logs to let in very cold winter wind and soon to be hot summer wind. Compared to druggies, parolees, multi personalities and psychsees .. it was very welcomed !! Even at that, I was in for a bit of a rude reality. An imperative impediment.
Arriving with a car load of stuff, after the initial look-see with the realtor/prop. manager, I find the cabin floor littered with hundreds of dead flying insects ans separately hundreds of common 'field flies' and hundreds of living field flies buzzing madly in kamikaze missions against all windows and ceiling. A quick visual inspection uncovered an unnoticed detail, which was just how much dust there was on all surfaces, primarily from the wood-burning stove but the floor was thick in some areas with skill saw dust. I built houses for decades. This is what I was handed after a $1000 deposit and $1300 rent .. so much for customer service .. appropriate 'turn key' condition .. property manager doing their job .. .. siiiiighh ..
By chance, one of the 'stuff' things I had in my car was a leaf blower and extension chords .. so I hooked em up and started in the back of the loft, with all widows n door open, luckily wind from the east blowing to the front-west facing-door and, blower on HI, repeatedly n methodically blew dust from all crevices n surfaces. By chance, it was mid afternoon an windows and door on the west facing side allowed beams of sunlight into the poorly lit interior that REALLY lit up dust particles for me to see JUST HOW MUCH DUST THERE WAS !! I repeated this process on 3 different days with a multitude of passes one each day. Three weeks later I moved in only to start cleaning the unbelievably gross mouse-shit filled kitchen drawers n cupboards. Floors were thoroughly mopped with disinfectant/antibacterial cleaners to remove all the smashed
bug paste my shoes had, for 3 weeks ground into the floor - even after sweeping n mopping .. siiiiighh ..
HOW I MADE PROGRESS
It was early November 2022 and so far, fall was colder than usual. I needed wood and had virtually none. My first extreme challeng was upon me and I was, only then, realizing it. I pulled out my good ol' trustworthy worm drive skill saw .. with bent skid plate .. no 'bleeepity bleep' circular saws here .. and found I couldn't even squeeze the trigger with my right, left and BOTH hands n fingers. I detonated .. I mean REALLY detonated !! This was my first, of many, excruciating amygdala hijackings(blowing a fuse) in the months to come. What started as out-of-this-world screaming, cussing worse than a REALLY drunk Russian sailor, kicking and punching objects MUUUCH harder than my tissue-shy hands(brilliance !!) .. culminated with me just absolutely WEEPING deep n thorough sobs of disbelief, denial, indescribable anger and resentment. An imperative impediment.
From here, the anger and hair trigger 'detonator'-ism .. only gor waaaay worse. This is known in "Leaving Scotomaville" as a trigger. Something that makes you just blow up, flip out, freak out or .. detonate.
I resorted to hand saws of various types I had, expending a lot of calories with little effect when I remembered seeing on screwyoutube commercials a small one-handed, battery powered, 5 inch bar, limb lopper chain saw. I was hardware store bound and after a quick in-store field test to see if I could even depress the trigger, I forked $275 cash for gizmo, battery, charger n sped home to field test .. in the field.
Remember .. ingenuity IS NOT the mother of invention. IMPROVISATION is the mother of ENGINUITY is the mother of INVENTION .. !! The imperative impediment.
Always lacking JUST the right tool, always lacking JUST the right material, always lacking ENOUGH of JUST the right material, always lacking JUST the right specs-instructions-information and AAAALLLWAYS LACKING enough TIME to get the job done .. the way you want it done .. requires ingenuity THROUGH IMPROVISATION. This results in newer, better, faster, less costly ways to do .. what ever .. a certain percentage of the time .. not always.
In my(as I was horrified to discover) utter childishness leading to multitudes of psychotic UUUUBER 4 year-old temper tantrums - I would just GIVE UP trying to do something I wanted or needed to do. I would just throw a tantrum and stomp off, giving up. That task or duty would remain undone. I repeated this again n again n again. Oddly enough, about this time in my expedition up Olympus Mons(highest mtn in solar system at 87,000 ft on Mars) .. fuuugeeetabat Mt Everest .. I started to see things - signs, quotes - hear people say in commercials - read text somewhere - all saying "DON'T GIVE UP", when in fact, that is exactly what I'd been doing again n again n again. Because of this, I kept at a task even tho it was EXACTLY like all the other recent tasks I wanted/needed to do .. an absolute, severe, acute, chronic, over the top, beyond all and any hope .. fumbleitis fumblefest !! Freakin fumblefestitis !! With each second mercilessly reminding me of my physical impairment .. an imperative impediment.
Then, lo n behold .. as I flew thru the iterations of how I was trying to do something, changing something small just a little bit with each try .. I experienced VIIIIIIIIICCCTORYYYYY !!!!
So I did the same thing the next time I had a different task .. and because I didn't JUST GIVE UP out of the severest frustration .. and used EVERY notion of trying it in as many sliiiiightly different ways as possible as prudently as possible .. the forces of the uuuuuunniverrrrse rallied on my behalf !! Repeating this psychological tactic frequently in the weeks to come, it was as if on most of the times I gave up .. I would have GOT IT the very next time I tried .. had I tried just once more. But even if that wasn't the case, had I continued trying, I would have found an answer, a tactic, a technique, a way. A crucial part of this process is knowing to use every bit of logic, reason, rational, common sense, technical sense, objectivity and all else relevant - in going thru iterations of "the process", what ever that is. In many instances where it was clear that I would not be able to do what I wished .. I LEARNED TO ASK FOR HELP !! Even from total strangers passing by. I learned to do this WITHOUT FEELING COMPROMISED.
Through this period of a couple months, my conversations and interactions with Daniel and Angelina would have them explaining how they went about dealing with and/or solving a task/challenge/problem/impediment. In "Leaving Scotomaville" there is a bit said about "following in the path others began with". Notice it isn't 'do as others did'. This is because each individuals journey is very different than the next persons. There are always identical or very similar traits, aspects, portions, concepts, rules, laws, tactics, techniques, and dynamics in EVERYONES expedition, but still very different. I became aware through these interactions with my two friends - them being solopreneur entrepreneurial die hards - that THERE IS ALMOST ALWAYS, MINIMUMLY, 1 WAY TO DO WHAT YOU CAN'T .. THAT YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT !! I learned to look for - what I don't know is there - in my excruciating day-to-day struggle, as a result of these conversations and their willingness to tutor. Drilling right through my imperative impediment.
Through this all and at the same time as this all is taking place, I've been weaving my way through the Oregon Health Plan medical services to find treatment specifically geared to the root issue, the root cause of my condition - neuropathy or neurological dysfunction or nerve damage. The 'system' has addressed the symptoms. A glimmer of light at the end of an otherwise pitch black tunnel has appeared. The cervical curve in my neck has been reversed since hitting the reef head first, really hard, in August of 2006. Now, bone growth has occurred in the notches at the top and sides of my C-5 n C-6 cervical vertibra further pinching my arm nerves, furthering my loss of function of fingers, hands and arms. This has recently spread to the spinal opening in my spinal column, causing loss of function in my right foot and calf. I now walk with a slight limp.
A local neuro chiropractor accepted OHP-medicaid in February which put me in their care. The light in the tunnel. But the spinal-stenosis like increasing of bone mass in my vertebra notches accommodating the radiating nerves and the hollow centers of the vertibra, are now forefront in priority. The American-western mainstream medical system - frequently fails to incorporate other forms of treatments. Homeopathic, naturopathic and Chinese herbology based remedies in example.
A 'scotoma' is a psychological blind spot. A non-physical, intangible concept, idea or behavior. An odd habit, fear of something in particular or 'bad behavior' in its many forms .. are probably amongst the most common. It seems as if scotomas can not exist without the presence of A LACK OF SELF-AWARENESS. I define self awareness as "Learning to TRAIN ONES SELF TO BE ACUTELY AWARE OF ONES EMOTIONS -AT ALL TIMES." This is the goal - to be self aware at all times - but ia a very tall order .. but A VERY WORTHY ONE. I don't expect myself to be this ALL THE TIME, but try. When one is really connected to ones emotions, the "why" responsible for a certain behavior will be seen and the individual can trace - that behavior and its emotions - back to its ORIGINS .. which can be the beginning of excising this undesirable reaction/behavior from ones life. A person may act very badly much of the time and in front of some or many others .. WITHOUT having any CLUE they are. But their bad behavior is painfully obvious to all who are around to see and hear. I don't think my ability to deal with the loss of the use of my hands would ever have materialized .. had it not been for my becoming self-aware some time before through Life Skills International classes and then, more recently, involvement in Daniel Comps "Leaving Scotomaville" and Angelina Comps "Wellness By Choice". The latter reiterating and building on the former. Because of self-awareness, I am able to create a dynamic - NOT STATIC - approach, response and M.O. to challenges of any kind. Adapt and overcome .. to what ever degree possible. I've learned to GO RIGHT THROUGH that imperative impediment.
THE GREATEST GIFT I CAN GIVE IS A HEALTHY ME
> I, as a human made by GOD ALMIGHTY, am most worthy of any attention to self-improvement I am willing to give myself.
> Be patient and kind to yourself .. as most in the the world will not be.
> Learn how to take care of yourself physically and nutritionally but also mentally-psychologically-emotionally and spiritually.
> As much as we may be convinced we know(or not), there is a statistic that states "we are 100% incorrect .. 50% of the time."
> There is almost ALWAYS more to an incident, event, circumstance, condition, environment or PLACE .. than we KNOW OF !
> Know there is a specific process, technique, tactic .. to learning ANYTHING new.
> Before you take notes .. learn HOW TO TAKE NOTES.
> Learn to ASK FOR HELP !!
> Do unto .. as you wish to be ..